Sleep evades me again

I am getting rather tired of this. I can't sleep. I can never sleep. I actually fell asleep before midnight last night and considered it a miracle. But most nights, I mess around on the computer or just lay there until finally, sleep happens. I know what my day brings the next day. It's always the same. Smasher doesn't know when I go to sleep and he really doesn't care, nor should he. He will wake up around 8:30 if I'm lucky and I hope putting him to bed at his normal bedtime tonight doesn't mess with him since it was daylight's saving time. We'll just have to see. We have a busy day tomorrow, full of cleaning and trying to get everything ready for 8 while I still can. I have to do this in short spurts as I get tired easily and need to rest. We also have to go buy Smasher some new clothes because, against his mother's wishes, he is growing - yet again. I was looking at footlocker.com tonight since we have giftcards there and almost cried when I realized that he is not in a size 4 as I thought, but a size 5 tennis shoe and I am actually going to have to start looking at size 6s. I am also going to have to start buying him 24 month old clothes. Today when we were driving back to town from meeting Smasher dad to pick him up he was sitting in the backseat saying all sorts of words and instead of a baby's voice I heard what sounded like a little boy's voice coming from my baby who everyday looks more and more like a little boy and less like my baby who should only be a couple of months old. I started crying. Now yes, I am hormonal from this pregnancy. I'll be the first to admit it. But would have cried anyway but as happy as I am that he is growing normally and is very successful in all he does, I can't help but miss it when he would fall asleep on my chest. He now is almost to my waist and gains an inch everyday it feels like. I'm not ready for this! What next? Sports? Video games? GIRLS!?! I'm not ready for any of it. I know. I'm being dramatic. But he was the only one with me through the hardest part of my life. Being a mom was not easy for me at first and he forced me to grow up and be the person I've become and most importantly, the mom I've become. He made me realize that going through all of the nights of walking the halls with him screaming in my ear just hoping for any relief, was all worth it. I'm so happy where I am in my life now and I'm so happy I'm not raising 8 by myself, but I would not change the first 10 months of Smasher's life for anything. Having to take care of him day in and day out was the most important thing I'v ever had to do and the most rewarding. So, I am sad to watch him grow so fast but extremely proud to watch what he is becoming.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen...and hopefully, goodnight.