Conflicted...

I'm getting a lot of flack lately...yet again. This time it has nothing to do with my parenting skills. This time it's my political beliefs. Surprise, surprise...

So a huge decision was made by the House of Representatives today. A decision that leaves me torn. I'm a democrat. I have been since I was old enough to be registered as one and probably even long before that. But lately, I've been looking at my political beliefs and while you'd be very hard-pressed to find anyone as socially liberal as me, I'm actually pretty moderate when it comes to fiscal matters. Which is why I am so torn right now. As a liberal, I believe in gay rights, and equal pay. I'm pro-choice although it has never been an option for me. I am for animal rights, women's rights, child's rights...just civil liberties in general and I don't believe that anyone should be denied health care for any reason. But at what cost to the American tax payer?

I believe that some people cannot work, but I also believe that some people choose not to work for no good reason. I am choosing not to right now for medical reasons and I chose to maybe not go back to work so I can care for my children. But some people, well, they have no excuse. I'm a liberal, but I'm also live in a low-income home and am currently on medicaid for my pregnancy and Smasher is also on medicaid. We couldn't afford not to be on medicaid regardless of whether both The Hubby and I were working or not. The difference is, we don't go out very much, if at all. We try to watch our money and spending very carefully. We don't spend our money on frivolous things and we make sure we have what we need. We get by. I get angry when I see people on government assistance going out to bars or spending their money on fast food and restaurants all the time. It really just ticks me off. Why should people who do work hard to provide just the basics for their families or just work in general have to pay for those who REFUSE to work? It's not fair.

Now, I can see where it will help a lot of people. For instance, children, who are completely innocent in all this, will receive the care they need. I know of a lot of instances where I couldn't have afforded to take Smasher to the doctor without medicaid. But I also know that this bill passing means that a lot less doctors will probably taking on medicaid/medicare recipients, which would mean my children. We can't afford to pay the fines that are going to be placed on us for not having insurance, but we can't afford the insurance either. What does that mean? I agree that something needed to be done to combat the raising medical cost and somebody needs to keep the insurance companies in check, but I don't necessarily think that the bill that passed tonight was the best option. I don't know what is, but I'm not sure this was it. I guess only time will tell.

Snow!?! Really!?!

On the first day of spring, no less. I am really tired of all the snow. It was 70 degrees yesterday! What happened to that!?! I live in Oklahoma, not some frozen wasteland. We have gotten our fair share of snow this year. It's time to lay off, Mother Nature. I've been having some horrible contractions, some which some regularity, so watch, she's going to decide to come during this blizzard thing outside and it's going to suck having to get to the hospital. I hope not, but I'm just sayin'.

You know, the snow wouldn't be so bad if there were fun things to do in it but seeing as I live in a dry wasteland (at least most of the time) there are no fun mountains to ski down or ponds that get frozen enough to ice skate on. No, we here in these parts just have the option of going to the local overpass to sled. And I can't even do that right now. Nor can I do the skiing or skating but at least I'd have pretty mountains to look at instead of the snow-covered empty school parking lot across the street from me. Chai has a good idea. Curl up into a itty-bitty tiny ball and sleep. Don't even let the kid pulling your hair wake you up. Smart move kitty.

Well, Smash is awake and gibbering in his crib so I think I'll take him to the window and let him see the snow. The kid loves the snow! I don't get it. We won't be going out in it. The last time it was like this and I went outside, I feel down the steps. Maybe when The Hubby gets home they can go out for a few minutes. We'll see. But seeing Smasher's face light up at the snow actually makes up for it and I can't help but smile as he serenely watches it float by.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen...and stay warm!

I'm sorry...

for yesterdays rant. I know my mom means well and I love her. I need to just learn to let it roll off and take all advice given to me with a grain of salt.

Anyways...I wrote this blog and then blogger deleted it, so here's the jest...

Some contractions. Painful but nothing really happening. Not regular anyway. Just painful. They keep me up all night, but I'm surprisingly awake this morning.

Smasher just woke up. I took cinnamon rolls out of the oven and I've already showered and dressed today. Banner day for me!

It's going to be a great day! So, you have one too!

So, for now, auf wiedersehen...

Sleep evades me again

I am getting rather tired of this. I can't sleep. I can never sleep. I actually fell asleep before midnight last night and considered it a miracle. But most nights, I mess around on the computer or just lay there until finally, sleep happens. I know what my day brings the next day. It's always the same. Smasher doesn't know when I go to sleep and he really doesn't care, nor should he. He will wake up around 8:30 if I'm lucky and I hope putting him to bed at his normal bedtime tonight doesn't mess with him since it was daylight's saving time. We'll just have to see. We have a busy day tomorrow, full of cleaning and trying to get everything ready for 8 while I still can. I have to do this in short spurts as I get tired easily and need to rest. We also have to go buy Smasher some new clothes because, against his mother's wishes, he is growing - yet again. I was looking at footlocker.com tonight since we have giftcards there and almost cried when I realized that he is not in a size 4 as I thought, but a size 5 tennis shoe and I am actually going to have to start looking at size 6s. I am also going to have to start buying him 24 month old clothes. Today when we were driving back to town from meeting Smasher dad to pick him up he was sitting in the backseat saying all sorts of words and instead of a baby's voice I heard what sounded like a little boy's voice coming from my baby who everyday looks more and more like a little boy and less like my baby who should only be a couple of months old. I started crying. Now yes, I am hormonal from this pregnancy. I'll be the first to admit it. But would have cried anyway but as happy as I am that he is growing normally and is very successful in all he does, I can't help but miss it when he would fall asleep on my chest. He now is almost to my waist and gains an inch everyday it feels like. I'm not ready for this! What next? Sports? Video games? GIRLS!?! I'm not ready for any of it. I know. I'm being dramatic. But he was the only one with me through the hardest part of my life. Being a mom was not easy for me at first and he forced me to grow up and be the person I've become and most importantly, the mom I've become. He made me realize that going through all of the nights of walking the halls with him screaming in my ear just hoping for any relief, was all worth it. I'm so happy where I am in my life now and I'm so happy I'm not raising 8 by myself, but I would not change the first 10 months of Smasher's life for anything. Having to take care of him day in and day out was the most important thing I'v ever had to do and the most rewarding. So, I am sad to watch him grow so fast but extremely proud to watch what he is becoming.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen...and hopefully, goodnight.

A New Addition to the Family...

No. It's not 8. We still have a few weeks before then. 50 days to be exact. I'm a little excited and extremely ready.

But anyway, we got a 6 month-old kitten the other day from the SPCA. His name is Tchaikovsky since I have a thing about naming animals after composers. The SPCA had named him Morty but we'll call him "Chai" for short. He and Mozart get along rather well actually. Mozart is actually scared of him but still likes to play. This kitten is rather playful but cute and very sweet. Extremely people-friendly and very good with Smasher. Smasher seemed to be excited about it for the little bit of time he spent with him before he went to his dad's this weekend. He even said kit. He's starting to say all sorts of things so I finding that I have got to be careful with what I say. He is my baby boy always though and I find it bitter-sweet that he's growing up so fast.

The Hubby and I are thinking we should start a YouTube series called Tchaikovsky vs. Mozart. We'll see. Their, um, exploits have proved to be quite entertaining over the last couple of days.

So, things have kind of calmed down a bit since Thursday after the hospital trip but it's still been pretty bad. I just find myself being exhausted but my blackout spells haven't been too bad...until this morning. We woke up and got ready for Sunday School and church. We got in the car thinking we had 10 minutes to spare when I realized that wait - my alarm clock had not in fact set itself automatically like it should have for daylight savings time. Oh well. We still had time to make it to church so we did. I did pretty well throughout the service, but towards the end, I started getting shaky and dizzy so we decided to sneak out a little early. I'm just not feeling very well at all today and am thankful for the few hours I have before going to get Smasher so I might get a nap in. The Hubby is cooking us lunch and I'm sure it will be wonderful.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen....

Blackouts, needles and hunger,...oh my.

For months, I have been experiencing blackouts for no apparent reason. The initial thought was my blood suger, which is fine. But yesterday was bad. The Hubby said I was out for about 20 minutes and that I would start convulsing if he tried to touch me. I finally conceded and we went to the hospital. I know 8 was fine but we went to labor and delivery anyway to make sure my blood pressure was fine. While we were there my doctor wanted them to do some test. So they hooked me up to an IV and drew some blood. After about two and a half hours there, they said they wanted me to go to the ER so they could run any test that they needed to down there. I sat in the waiting room of the ER in the hospital gown they made me change into, hooked up to an IV for four hours. It was horrible. So they finally got me into a room and ran a series of reflex test and an EKG. The PA seemed fairly confident that it was probably just a pregnancy thing and it will go away after 8 is born, but she did want to run more test. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. This has been happening since October and I feel like I finally am getting some answers other than "It's low blood sugar." I have to call today and schedule an EEG, MRI and I'll have to wear a harness monitor for 24 hours to make sure its not my heart. Hopefully I can get in early next week. We got to the hospital around 3:30 and left around 11:00.

We didn't eat before we went so we were absolutely starving and by the end of the trip, I was blaming The Hubby for everything. I feel really bad about it today. I'll have to do something to make up for it. We picked up Smasher from The Hubby's mom's house and tried to go to Taco Bell for something quick but they didn't have what I wanted so we went to IHOP for an omlet. Yes, I have turned into the parent that takes her small child into a restaurant at 11:30 at night. never thought I'd be one of those. Luckily he had been asleep since 9:00 and had woken up when we picked him up so he wasn't too cranky. I just felt bad and like I was being judged but gosh dangit, I was tired and hungry!

Smasher let me sleep until 9:30 this morning and I am so grateful for that since The Hubby has to work 4:45-10am on Friday mornings. But I'm afraid to pick him up becasue I'm so shaky but he seems to be fine playing in his crib with some toys until The Hubby gets home and can lift him out of his crib. I'm really swollen today from the IV fluids but I hope that will go away throughout the day. Smasher's dad is coming to get him today and while usually I hate to see him go for the weekend, I really need this weekend to sleep. I'll miss him. I always do. But he needs some dad time so it'll be okay.

I'm just glad that I have so many people who are supportive and so many prayers for my family. They mean the world to me. Just as long as everything is safe for Little Miss 8 and Smasher, then I'm alright.

So, for now, auf wiedersehen...

It's a zoo out there

I felt amazing yesterday. I woke up feeling well=rested and energized. It was a rare day for this third trimester girl. I got up. Got Smasher breakfast and then awoken The Hubby. I wanted to go to a zoo!

Luckily, The Hubby has Wednesdays off and lately I've been feeling like we really need to spend as much time with Smasher as possible while he's still an only child. I've been wanting to take him to the zoo for awhile now. He's gone before with his dad and his Apple but never with me and I was getting a little down about that. While it was not perfect weather wise yesterday, we packed a few sandwiches, a couple of sippy cups and bottles of water and headed off to Wichita. We tried once before to go to the Wichita zoo but ended up going on the only day of the year that it was closed. That was back in September. We made the best out of that day and The Hubby and I agree that that is when we fell in love. It was one of the best days of my life, but I still wanted to go to the zoo. The weather forecast for Wichita was a high in the mid-50s and some rain, but that didn't deter us one bit. We got there before the rain and in the three hours we were there it really only rained on us for about 15 minutes. The Wichita zoo has a great children's area where there are three different farms. An Asian farm, and American farm and an African farm. Smasher loved those because sheep and goats would walk right up to you and a couple even nibbled on his shoe. The Hubby has been playing Zelda lately and found a chicken to chase. It was cute. Smasher and I both laughed. We then got followed by a peacock for a while. Smasher saw lots of ducks and can now say duck to go along with his quacking that occasionally makes an appearance in his high chair. We went and saw tigers (which is Smasher's favorite animal) and we were kind of disappointed because, while everything was out (well almost) they were all sleeping. I think the coolest thing was the gorillas though. We went to the gorilla habitat and were the only ones in there. I was getting extremely worn out by this point so we sat in there for a little while. A gorilla with two fist fulls of hay comes up to the window right in front of Smasher and just sits there for 15 minutes eating his lunch. It was awesome! Smasher was riveted. As we left he even blew kisses (his new favorite thing) to the gorilla. He was so good all day yesterday and I know he was getting really tired on the way home. I did pretty well for being 31 and a half weeks pregnant. We made it through the entire zoo. However, I am really glad we didn't wait to go. I don't think I would have lasted much longer.

One of my biggest things as a mom, is educating my children to be kind, respectful and eager to learn about everything! I think making trips to places like zoos and museums and concerts (in a couple of years) is a way to do that. Just watching Smasher "ooh and Ahh" over the animals is worth dragging my huge pregnant butt all over the 16th largest zoo in the US. It's worth getting rained on for the last 15-30 minutes of our trek. It's worth sitting in a car for 4 hours round trip. I'm going to miss him being an only child. I'm excited about 8 and I know they are going to have so much fun together but I'm going to miss days like yesterday where it was just me, The Hubby and my Smasher. I think we'll go back to the zoo sometime in the late summer/early fall just because I don't want him to forget all of the things we saw (and I like zoos) but next time will be dramatically different. His sister will be with us and while our family is going to an amazing and close family, I will miss the way things are right now.